after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
