I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
