today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
