Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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