Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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