woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
