I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
