I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Randomize
