He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You dont lie about slip and slides
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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