guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
