You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
