dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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