can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
