In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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