I puked a lego.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
