I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
