absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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