Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
