I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
