Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
