i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
