I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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