is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
