Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
