i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
