I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
