obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
