Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
