my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
