Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
