i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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