Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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