The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
