I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have already put on my inside pants.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
