The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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