I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
