Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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