Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
