just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
