my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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