I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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