dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
