we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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