Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
