If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That accounts for only three of the penises
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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