so explain again why im purple
no
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
