4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
