i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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