How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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