How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
