Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
