Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
