Screwed.edu
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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