when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
