if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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