Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
