so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
