wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
