This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
