it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
