This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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