god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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