I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
