4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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