Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You have to summon your inner elephant
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
