I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
