Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
BRING THE BAGELS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
