Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
