ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
