I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
