jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
