Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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