I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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