so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
